We Come To Love.

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sam@lifexcells.com 

"We come to love not by finding a perfect partner, but by learning to see an imperfect partner perfectly." Author unknown.
All of our relationships are really imaginary- that is, based on an image formed by thought. If I have an image of you and you have an image of me, then naturally we don't see each other at all as we actually are. What we see is the images we have formed about each other which prevent us from being in contact and that is why our relationships go wrong.
When we realize this dynamic, we begin to search for this other person's defects within our own memory and any annoyance will turn to gratitude that their behavior has led you to self discovery. 

"I love You." These words are often said but seldom really committed to long term.  (as most relationships statistically, have a use by date) Because if you say these words and really mean them, then they are forever, not just until the person that you are saying them to behaves the way that we feel they should, and not change into the nightmare from hell.
The reality of relationship is that we reflect back to others their own behavior. Therefore what ever is happening within our relationships, is merely a reflection of our own beliefs. We are always with our greatest asset....  The mirror image of our own hidden belief system.
Knowing this simple truth will liberate each of us to take 100% responsibility for all our life outcomes. We never need to change our partner, nor just endure others, we merely need to look within ourselves and question our thoughts about how we see our partner. (and others)

Romantic relationships.  Eckhart Tolle

How often are we drawn magically to another person merely to be mysteriously repelled sometime in the future by our partner changing into something we completely hadn't expected. 

In the early stages of many so called romantic relationships role playing is quite common in order to attract and keep whoever is perceived by the ego as-     The one  who is going to make me happy, make me feel special and fulfil all my needs. “ I’ll play who you want me to be, and you’ll play who I want you be”. That’s the unspoken unconscious agreement.

However role playing is hard work and those roles cannot be sustained indefinitely, especially once you start living together. When those roles slip what do you see? Unfortunately in most cases not yet the true essence of that being, but that which covers up the true essence, the raw ego divested of its roles with its pain body and its thwarted wanting which now turns into anger, most likely directed at the spouse or partner for having failed to remove the underlying fear and sense of lack that is an intrinsic part of the egoist  sense of self.

What is commonly called “falling in love” is in most cases  wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person, or rather your image of that person. It has nothing to do with true love which contains no wanting whatsoever.  

Freedom from the known. J Krishnamuti  

We do not see the person, place or event- we only see the image we create of them / it.  Then we create space between ourselves and others by what we see out there. The distance between the space we see (past conditioning) and ourselves creates conflict.  
There is no true love in the separation  of space and time.

The desire to get rid of conflict creates another image. But when the observer realizes that the thing about which he is seeing, is himself then there is no conflict between himself and the image. He / she  is that which they are seeing.   They realize they are not separate from that-  then conflict ceases.

For what are they to do ? If something is you, what can you do ?   You cannot rebel against it or run away from it-  or even accept it.  It is there.

So all action that is the outcome of reaction to like and dislike has come to an end.

All our relationships are really imaginary- that is, based on an image formed by thought . (past memory).

If I have an image of you and you have an image of me, naturally we don’t see each other at all as we actually are. What we see is the images we have formed about each other which prevent us from being in contact and that is why our relationships go wrong.

It is only when we see without any preconception,  and any image that we are able to be in direct contact with any thing in life. This happens after we clear all past negative images.
Espavo......